To give you the run down, I took a vow of celibacy in October 2008 when I was about 3 months pregnant with my second son. I did this in order to get to know me. I know that sounds rather stupid, but that was my reasoning. I wanted to get to know myself away from a partner or a boy I liked. I wanted to build my self confidence and spend time with my children and for the most part, it worked.
I would say I have a lot more confidence than I did this time 2 years ago. I am unsure whether it's because I have gotten older and wiser, whether having a second child is the reason or whether the sex ban did it. I personally think it was a combination of all 3.
I have a history of picking assholes. It's like I had an inbuilt radar in my brain that subconsciously beeps every time an asshole is near me. My brain mistakes these beeps as green lights instead of the warning signals they are designed to be.
The sex ban went strong until December last year. I am unsure why I broke it and what softened my 'ice cold heart' but I took a chance... It ended horribly but I'm not bitter or deterred at all. It's like something changed. I do not want a relationship, I am not about to join an internet dating site to find me a husband... But I was in a relationship, it ended and I survived. I did have to have a one night stand to mentally prove a point afterwards, but other than that, it was a really educational experience.
So I've had sex with 2 people since October 2008 and I couldn't be more proud of myself. I proved to myself that I could do it and that is the only person I need to prove anything to in this life.
Miss Hollie- Honorable discharge from her sex ban...
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