Moving on.

We've all had that friend who is amazing and always there until they get a boyfriend, right? Well, I too am experiencing this at the moment.

A friend of mine has recently found herself in a very serious relationship. She is ready to move on to a new stage of her life; marriage, kids and the white picket fence.

I am no where near that stage in my life and can't help but feel this is the end of our friendship. It's not bitter or jealousy, I don't think she is making a mistake, I just don't want to move on to this chapter yet. I don't want to be the single friend that hangs out with the engaged couple all the time. I don't want to be the third wheel in every situation. The fact I have also flat out refused to meet the new boyfriend is also going to make things hard.

So I am left with two options. Option one, I can find myself a nice partner so we can all hang out together (which would mean meeting him) or option two, I can leave the friend to pursue her new life and wish her well.

We all know where I stand on relationships. There is a sure fail way to never get hurt and that is to never care. I won't allow myself to date someone because to date them is to like them and to like them is to care when they leave. I'd rather get heavily medicated for my cat allergy and die alone with a lot of cats than ever put myself in the situation to be hurt, publicly humiliated and treated like shit.

A lot of people say "but you might not get a guy like that!" If only that were true. I don't attract nice guys. Nice guys don't look twice at me. I attract people who need help and are in a bad place in their life. I have a sign above my head that only men can read that says "I'll help you because I'm too nice and I can't say no to people who need help"... And because of that sign, I can not be trusted to get in a relationship.

I have slept with, well, quite a few people. Not one of them was a 'nice guy'. Quite a few had been to jail or were on their way, pretty much all of the rest were underdogs who needed help and a rock.

Do not get me wrong, I do NOT want to be with these kinds of people, but they are what I attract and I honestly do not know how to change that. I don't do drugs, I don't smoke, I don't drink, I am at university, I have a nice place, a car and I am a moral, law abiding citizen yet I attract dick heads.

So I am not ready to move on to the stage with my friend and to be honest, I don't think she is overly keen to have me tag along.

Good thing about me is I don't miss people because even after 5 years of friendship, I wouldn't say I'm attached to her, kind of a defence mechanism, I guess...